Let’s be honest friendly reminders are never ‘friendly’ are they.
Who needs April Fools when your whole life is a joke.
- Me: Mum can I have 5 dollars?
- Mum: what about those 5 dollars I gave you in 2005?
Some people have taken McFly’s ‘It’s all about you’ song way too literally.
That part of the bread that sticks out of the toaster and doesn’t even get toasted it just becomes slightly warm and no just no
Brother walks into my room : Lt me crack this egg on your forehead please?
Me: Why would I EVER agree to that?
Brother : Mum said you have to.
Me: Yeah, I can totally believe mum said,’ Go on, I give you permission to crack this egg on your sisters massive forehead.’
I let him crack it on my foot in the end, but you know.
IF YOU DON’T HAVE TUMBLR, I FEEL BAD FOR YOU SON. I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A SOCIAL LIFE AIN’T ONE.
My laptop screen is brighter than my future.
- Teacher : You Need to get this homework done by tomorrow everyone
- Me: No, I don't NEED to get this homework done, I HAVE to. Children in Africa NEED water, I don't NEED to do get this homework done.
- Teacher: ...
There was an advert on tv and it said -”Happiness lies in the scoop of a spoon.”
Why do dogs stop in the street every time they see another dog like imagine if humans just stopped everytime they saw another humana nd started sniffing each other noses
Calling my Laptop a useless piece of shit, but only after I put my hands over its speakers so it can’t hear me.
I was eating popcorn and my sisteer put loads of those little white polysterene balls in the popcorn bowl and they even have the same feel of popcorns so I ate loads until I realised I was eating half popcorn and half polysterene.
My handwriting at the start of an essay and at the end of the essay are that of two very different people